Private Eye: Side dishes and cheating women


Cherries, chocolate, sauce, all the same / Image by tudodany

Time out from Seksualiti Merdeka: part two of our guide to signs of infidelity looks at how to find out if the female partner has a side dish.

In my experience, cheating females tend to be able to cover their tracks better than clumsy males. They are more discreet and more adept at role-playing. But any affair can be detected if the husband or boyfriend is observant. Many women cheat out of spite and therefore feel justified in their actions.

Here are some of the indications that may help you determine if your wife or girlfriend is running around with someone else, some of which apply equally to men too. Please bear in mind that a relationship is a complex entity, and not to think rashly.

1. The very first thing that happens with cheating women is secrecy. Suddenly, they withdraw and refuse to tell you all the details of their whereabouts. They might have used to tell you all about how their day went by, in detail, but when they’re doing something sneaky behind your back, you’ll find them talking less than usual.

2. Your wife no longer wears her wedding ring, especially when she goes out. If she seems to be making excuses to leave it at home or not wear it frequently, then either she’s not proud of being married to you, or she’s having an affair: she does not want to feel the guilt by seeing her ring finger while she dates her side dish.

3. She has been doing more overtime work lately or spends more time going out with friends. You may also notice new friends who are divorcees or who are otherwise unattached. There will be an increase in “all girls” trips and excursions and the girlfriends that go on such trips will be new friends that are less accessible to you.

4. She places more importance on how she looks and spends more on sexy outfits and beauty products. She does not wear these new outfits when she is out with you.

5. She no longer confides in you like she used to and prefers to talk to and seek advice from her friends.

6. She does not mind you spending more time with your buddies or in front of the television when it used to irritate her. We had a client who started to become suspicious when his wife began to encourage him to sleepover after his late night poker sessions with his buddies.

7. She has a certain “glow” around her and there seems to be lightness in her step.

8. She has less interest in making love with you, but when she does, she likes to try out new techniques.

9. You notice some bruises and or scratches on her back and neck that were not caused by you.

10. She’s got herself a new mobile phone and did not voluntarily tell you about it. She refrains from answering her phone whenever you are around.

11. She created a new email account or has started deleting mail from her inbox when they used to just accumulate. She’s also spending more time in front of the computer especially when you’re already in bed. She may also have changed her passwords.

12. You’ve had a vasectomy and yet you see contraceptive pills in her purse or medicine cabinet.

13. When her friends come over to your house or when you bump into them outside, they give you strange looks or avoid looking into your eyes.

14. Your wife constantly talks about your relationship ending when you fight or argue. She says things like, “What would you do if our relationship ended?” or “If anything ever happened to us, I would always love you like a friend.” In general, she seems very negative about your relationship.  She makes these statements because she has a lover to fall back on if your relationship ends. If your wife repeats these kinds of statements often, take note.

15. She continually criticises another person. She’s trying to make you think that that type of individual would never be of interest to her, when there actually exists a secret attraction.

16. She feels guilty when you do something nice for her. You’re supposed to be the person who’s making her life miserable and the relationship untenable. By doing something nice, you force the cheater to think about what she’s doing.

17. She starts to ask about your daily schedule more often. This is because she needs this info to plan her rendezvous with her lover.

18. She asks you, ”Do you believe that it’s possible to love more than one person at a time?” or something along those lines.

19. Beware if your wife ever accuses you of being unfaithful when there’s no reason for her to do so. Psychological research has shown that guilt and paranoia go hand in hand. In other words, if your wife asks you if you’re cheating, then chances are, she’s cheated on you. The more aggressive about it she is, the worse.

20. Have you ever planned a big romantic evening out for the two of you, only to have your wife bail on you for a trivial reason? “Oh I can’t have this beautiful dinner with you, I was just about to go back to work!” Yeah, right. Cheater!

21. Do you have kids? Try suggesting to her that you install tracking software on your home computer to try and protect your children from the internet. A cheating spouse will vehemently oppose the idea, even if they give a totally unrelated reason for it. We had a client who told his wife that he had installed spyware on the family computer to monitor their children. The cheating wife promptly purchased her own laptop after that. He hadn’t installed spyware on the family computer.

22. Another example of a personality trait common in cheaters…your wife (or husband) will become much worse at making plans. She won’t ever want to commit to anything with you, because she wants to have the option open to make up an excuse to meet her lover.

23.  Have you ever offered to pick her up from the airport or bus station, only to be turned down? It could be because she’s arriving with a lover, and doesn’t want you to see! It’s recommended that you always go check it out anyways.

Next: Discovering the truth

Midas is our new weekly columnist on crime, security, private investigation, urban survival skills and related matters. Midas is a private security and intelligence firm based in Kuala Lumpur. Its operatives include ex-military intelligence and ex-police personnel, ex-lawyers and civilian analysts. Leave your comments below, or direct your personal queries to [email protected]